Today at 7am I started the drugs. Weird. Surreal really - so many months of tests, good news, bad news, tears and laughs have all come together and finally it's not longer all chat - it's actually happening.
I set my alarm as I have to take four sniffs a day, so am now a walking alarm clock to remind me when to ingest the magic potion. I did the first one in my sleep as I was so tired from a night tossing and turning - my subconscious thinking over the whole IVF process during my allotted seven hours sleep time. Irritating. Anyway, it was a fairly un-momentous moment although I am not sure exactly how I expected to feel? The 12 o'clock snifter was slightly more momentous as that happened in the back of a cab with my son (who has already tried to sniff my drugs - a worry as his favourite colour is pink and a whole host of hormones could send him into a glitterati of girly stuff) and husband. Both looked at me with vague interest, waiting to see what the result would be, which was a nasty taste down the back of my throat and that was that.
The 5 o'clock was far more momentous as I had to hold a sneeze in. I'd been warned about this - the sniffy drug is like gold dust and I don't want to miss a drop so I hopped and wiggled while rubbing my nose to keep the sneeze at bag, eyes bulging out and face going crimson. Sneeze stayed put although it has been threatening to re-appear ever since. So we have the 10pm one to go and that will be day one of drugs. I am taking baby aspirin and some mega folic acid, but only one a day of each of those so all in all its very manageable - as long as I remember to take them.
Obviously the drugs have had no immediate effect (well outwardly), but I have spent all day, and I mean ALL day thinking about babies and our quest to have one. Having just come back from a short trip to Australia to meet my five month old Godson, I am super broody. Spending 4 days with the little nugget has well and truly cemented my desire for another baby and instead of these feelings coming with a health warning - 'Danger - thoughts of pro-creating can lead to serious depression and disappointment' I am not only wishing for it - there is a very definite feeling it is within the realms of possibility that our family of 3 will soon become four, or maybe five...
It's fair to say the feelings are those akin to those I have in September when Christmas is within grasp and I can start listening to carols secretly. Bubble of glee as I think about the future, start imagining our family with a baby in it (or two...). I keep putting us all in scenario's - my son helping me change nappies, my husband doing that lovely thing of falling asleep on the sofa with a newborn on his chest (he did that all the time with our son and it was just the loveliest thing). I know we can't predict the future and I know we have to be prepared for the fact it might not work, but I think that now we have started the process a few positive vibes won't go amiss and why not? If I am going to put my body through this rigorous process, the least I can do is support it mentally. Positive Mental Attitude. I'm all over it.
